Searching for Someday

Someday we’ll find a home in the country with lots of space for a garden. Maybe some chickens. Who knows, maybe even one day a dairy cow.

We had been searching for our someday farm for over a year and in September, we found it.

More precisely, we were lead right to it.

Invited, actually.

By God’s own plan, the right house on the right piece of land became available. The timing and events leading up to this point have at times been a real source of anxiety and disappointment for me, but each day something new unfolds and I see a purpose for the waiting.

The preparation for what is to come.

While I don’t know what will happen 10 years from now,  next year, or even tomorrow, I do know that waiting teaches us who we are and what we really value. I have learned to advocate for our family. I have also learned to be less afraid of failure – because failing is what teaches us to adapt and try it again. To improve. To change.

Change is a terrifying thing.

Even when it’s invited in, change can stir up feelings in us that we’re surprised about.

Why in the world am I so caught off-guard by that every time I’m walking through a big change in my life?

The longing to be working with the land, to grow our own food, to gaze at the open sky, to work hard and teach our children what it means to create something magnificent. To work alongside one another, learning every step of the way. The food we will someday harvest, the animals we are trusted to care for, the people we call family, and the Earth we are deeply connected to.

Every single wonderful thing that has happened to me, I can credit back to the Lord’s plan. I can try to convince myself or anyone else who will listen that it took proper planning, disciplined effort or even luck to have ended up with the life that I’m living. But when I’m honest with myself, I don’t deserve the credit.

I don’t even deserve the wonderful things.

Not a one.

I am nothing but a sinner who is saved by grace each morning.

But even though I am undeserving, I am forgiven.

And I am His.